My sweet Lincoln. This past year has been such an amazing ride. I think about the day you were born almost every day. You made a very quick and smooth entrance into this world and I can’t believe we are already here, one year later, celebrating your first birthday.
The first few months after you were born were definitely challenging. We were both new to this. I was new to being a mom and you were still trying to learn how to eat and sleep outside of my womb. Kids are supposed to learn from their parents but I think I have learned more from you than you have from me. I learned that life is so short and to cherish all of the moments, even the difficult ones. There were definitely some tears and some hard, hard days in the beginning. Having you, this new person to take care of, was extremely overwhelming and I felt like I had failed you on many occasions.
Can I Really Do This?
There were times I didn’t think I was cut out to be a mom. The nights you would cry and cry after my best efforts to calm you. Times when I didn’t know if I should continue to stick with breastfeeding even though it wasn’t working for us. Times when your dad was MUCH better at calming you and knowing exactly what you needed. I often felt defeated and wondered how I was going to do this.
I remember the only way we would be able to get you to sleep was to rock you. Your dad and I would take turns rocking you until you fell asleep. When we would try and put you down, you would almost always wake up immediately and we would have to start all over again. Up until you were about 6 months old, the only place you would sleep was in someone’s arms. You were such a light sleeper so anytime we would try and put you down, you would wake right back up. I remember feeling frustrated at times but other times I could have held you all day. Now at a year old, you never want to cuddle and you never fall asleep in our arms anymore. You love your crib and basically jump out of our arms into your crib at night. Now that you are out of the cuddling phase(for now), I wish I could go back in time and cuddle you to sleep just once more.
I don’t say all of this to make you feel bad but I wanted this letter to be completely honest. Being a parent is challenging. More challenging some days than others but those times when you giggle at the silliest things or give us big hugs, those times make the challenging times so worth it. I have absolutely loved watching you hit every milestone so far and can’t wait to see you grow into your own little person in the years to come.
You continue to amaze me every single day. Always know that we are here for you and will love you unconditionally. Thank you for making me a mom. You have blessed my life in so many ways and I am truly thankful to have you.